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Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Getting Worse Than Ever.. The Wheel of Life Spins Too Fast..


The wheel of life.. It spins so fast. I just feel some happiness here in high school.. Then somehow it just vanished away. I had the bad feelings at 9th Grade back. I feel so alone, aside from my friends. I'm so distant with them, with myself, with everything..
Just yesterday I can still feel happy. Then the wheel spinned 180" in one night and today I feel crazy that I wanna die. Scary life.. I hate living like this. Back to the sad me. The sad rei.. Seems like my life's not gonna be the same for a while.. I'm gonna be back to the Reinhard who is silent, calm and strict like the old Reinhard. Actually I hate being this self, but big brother says maybe it's actually the real me who always force to come out..
But the real me, the silent me. I won't go crazy anymore. Is that who I really am? If I don't go crazy, I'll lose much friends, that's what I think Phew..
Today I really see that my hunch was right. I stay silenced in class, since I'm sick. And then not many ppl talk to me. They talk to somebody else. So they only wanna talk to the crazy r e i.. They don't want this Reinhard, the other side of me. See? Real friends.. Is BULLSHIT. There are no true friends. If you change, they're gonna throw you, not accepting you the way you are.. Or maybe it's just for me, the stupid rei. ;p.
I only think.. Virgin and Yoga could be my real friend. If I'm down, they're always ask why, and caring for me... Not like the others. SE? Patty? Onel? Jojo? Where are they when I need them?
Virgin, Yoga, big bro.. And Reivaldi too, he really cares for friends a lot.
I hate "Friends forever." . I hate "Love for eternity.".
SE said I'm so mean I said this. But that's the bitter truth I know.
My life's so screwed.
I'm all alone. Always alone..

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