2009's End..

It felt so fast..
Last year I spent my new year just at home, playing Persona 4. And it's at Marukyu Striptease. In 2009, I don't really play PS. So it didn't make any long progress. Last year, I was hoping that next year's gonna be different. I won't feel like doll anymore, living with no life-feeling. But now, I think it's just a slight different.. I still feel like a doll. I dunno, but it's a great feeling or it's just a hunch.. The problem's all from my back side of neck. It felt really weird. I have a bad feeling about it..

In 2010.. I wanna feel alive again. And when December comes.. I wanna feel different. I wanna feel alive! I dunno what's the cause of this doll thingy though..

Targets in 2010...
I think nothing much.
# Be an LM junior dancer
# I'd spend 10% of money I got in church every week. I need to give it back to Him.
# Spend more time with friends
# Being a better guy
# Learn everything I can learn
# Being ALIVE
# Get closer to Him
# Be a better boyfriend
# Be a better son
# Stop any of my bad addictions
# Being a better student
# Stop faking in front of everyone. Just show the real me. Open up. This is why I'm hot.

So many targets..
But I really can't do this without Him, I know.
But it seems like He's so so far away..
Everytime I pray, it seems wrong.. like I'm praying nothing...
But I believe, He's hearing me.
No matter how bad I am.
No matter how stupid I am.
I dunno if I'm still worth His love..
But I will chase it.
2010..Let me change.

Emotions keep spinning..

I don't know now who's my friend and who's not. Who's my real friend, who's the fake one. Even I don't know if I can get hold on my family anymore. Now just whatever and whoever friend I don't really care. All I know, is I have my big brother. Only my big brother who I can hold and cry to. I know I look like a little boy. But I don't know what to do anymore.

Childhood.

When I was a kid I was really silly.
In kindergarten, here, I was actually in the same class with Onel, but I clearly forgot him till this high school. I have my best friend, Jeco. Everywhere we'll hangout together. I feel like it's really good to have a bestfriend like him. We've never been to any fights. In class, always eat together and we always talked bad about our friend, Clairine. Saying she's fat and not considering her as one of our friend.. It's funny.
We entered low school then.
First grade, we're in the same class. Still hanging out together. In sports lesson, we always play alone ourselves. And that time, I really hated athletic run, really hated it. We just sit and chatted together on the yard's border. And we promised that we would be best friends forever.

2nd grade, we're still in the same class and we always sit in a group. Me, Jeco, Novalia, Nella, Wibi, Jessica "Bonita", William, and Christian. In this group, we always insult the group sitting next to us. We had a strong friendship back then. I liked this Novalia girl and I told Nella and Jeco about it. Jeco would persuade me to tell it to her. I always had a strong will to, but not a strong bravery. I'm still a kid. To just say "You're beautiful" to a girl would be very taboo.
It was really embarrassing when one day, when the teacher gave award to 4 person in MY GROUP, I yelled "YAAAY" with the 4 students excluding me. And the teacher said "Hey, you didn't win, why did u yell?" and the whole class laughed. "I just feel happy that my group has the most winner!!" is what I really wanna shout. But I didn't..

3rd grade, I really love this whole year. Jeco and I got a new best friend named Yosua. Every school break, we always walk together, and often played kungfu with a bunch of boys in class. I really love playing kungfu fighting back then. And that makes me got into trouble with a teacher named Miss Har when I wrote a spy letter to Jeco
- Me "Don't talk to Roy"
- Jeco "I just wanna make him one of our member in our team!"
- Me "No. He's too stupid!"
Well, the red word made the teacher force me out of the class.
Every sports time, we always sit together. Sometimes telling ghost stories that we made up.. And I still hate athletic run. Whenever forced to, I was shaking and trembled.
Since Yosua come, our friendship had gone with much problems. I would talk on the back of Jeco, Jeco would talk on the back of Yosua, and Yosua would talk on my back. We always got into trouble. But actually it strengthens our feeling.
"Let's be best friends forever.. Promise?"
I really liked the T-shirt Cubitus and often bragged to Jeco about it. When go to Matahari department store, I would always look for Cubitus tees.

4th grade, I got into a big fight with Jeco and we won't talk for a year. I really loved singing this year, and I got into Choir Competition. Here, I thought of a really silly thing. When the judge declared the winner, I didn't really know what "Juara Harapan" means. I thought it's better than just "Juara" cuz it has more words. Then when the judge said "The Juara Harapan 1 is.." I prayed "Us! Us! Us!" and really, we're the Juara Harapan 1. I was really happy and I laughed. But when the judge still reads the "Juara" I realized that "Juara" is better and got disappointed of myself. "If only I prayed for "Juara".. Stupid me!!!" And this year I started to get addicted to Ragnarok Online game and played basketball a lot. I like to play The Sims too.. and always pleaded my friend, Andi the cheat to see naked Sims while showering.....Pervert! And I started to mix and match my Cubitus tees with my shirts. Tees inside, shirts outside. I started to like fashion.

5th grade, this is my greatest memory in this school. I hangout with 3 companions. Me, Yosua, Bayu, and Wilson. We're really great friends. But I often got in a fight with Wilson.. REALLY OFTEN. Then when it started to seem bad I told my mom about it and my mom told me to try to say "sorry" to him. This is the first time I've ever felt the difficulty of saying "sorry". And this is where I learned to say "sorry" to people. Then we continued our friendship...till we got into another trouble. But this time it's weird cuz he won't talk to me, and if I talk to him he won't answer or get mad, but we talked in a piece of paper just like chatting. Weird him.
And I got afraid of being gay when I often get jealous. I got jealous often if Bayu and Yosua hangout more. When they left me alone. And I hated it when we walked together and they sang a song that I don't know. It really gets me pissed of. And I put the blame on Yosua. I want Bayu to choose to hangout with me rather than Yosua. It got me really jealous. But now I realized that it's usual to got jealous of friends like that.. And I REALLY HATE gay.
We made this silly book that we called "Burn Book".
There, we pour out all our words in mind, hates, and events.
And they considered me as their "Boss of Burnbook".
This silly burnbook..
I had them kept in a box, but my mom threw the box away.
I called it Box of Memories back then. I put all of the memorable things there.. To remember when I'm old. But it's all gone already. Sheesh..
I reconciled with Jeco this year.
I was a student of Purwacaraka Course, Vocal.
I still hated athletic run.. :D

6th grade, I befriended with Vanessa, Ria, Shandy, and Priscilla. My friends in class is only girls. And I got a bit bothered by it. But in this grade, I dunno why all of a sudden I became a silent person. I don't have much friends, only these girls with Richard and Arvin. I got my hair cut this style ; my back hair would be spiky and my front hair would be natural. It's a new style that year. My friends said "cool" but suddenly my friend Christopher copied my style and I got pissed. I was really close with Vanessa and liked her so much. Others gave us the nick "Korea" it stands for "Koko Reinhard dan Vanessa". So big the like feeling, that I joined Bethany's Children Choir just to met her every Friday evening (I already quit from Purwa Caraka Vocal Course after a concert). The other kids there would scream "Hug! Hug" and I hug her with laugh. Then we go mountain climbing with Richard and my family in holiday, and when Vanessa fell I said "Don't worry, I'm here." and smiled.
One day, I went into an internet cafe with my dad n' I tried to play Seal Online there. I used a usual home t-shirts (you can see my small armpits). Then when I saw my friend Samuel Gonta was there, I was shocked and covered my face with the game magazine I brought. I don't want any of my friends see me like this. I wanna look perfect in front of my friends. And I realized that I hold the book just 1cm from my eye. And I my heart was beating. "Don't see me, don't see me.. >__<" Some minutes later I felt sum1 peeked between me and the magazine. It's him alright. But he didn't say anything. I thought, "Now he'll think I'm stupid."

Well, that's me in kindergarten and low school. Funny thinking of it..
At Middle School we got apart..
Jeco and Bayu is in IPH School.
Yosua and Wilson had their own friends.
Best friends forever is now nothing..

Have An Unexceptionally Joy of Christmas, Everyone.. ^^

MERRY CHRISTMAS..
To the poors n riches, ladies n gentlemen, ugly n handsome, stupid and smart, crazy n' normal, weird and cool, boys and girls, of all ages.. ^^
Christmas is for everyone to be happy with. It's the day of everyone's only Savior to be born. Everyone should take part in the joy and happiness, even if just a little..
Hehe ^^

The morning I went to Grand City where Mawar Sharon Church celebrated Christmas. The newborn mall is so sophisticated like in other countries. Well, probably like in Singapore, Raffles City Mall. Hehe.. The ballroom was cool too.
The event were so magical and way too cool.. It really shows how great He is. He is GREAT. But when I was asked to stand up and go back to the good side.. I was shy to cuz there are too little people stand up.. And now I regret it. If I was near any other youngsters, maybe I'll do.. Huff.. Stupid me :(

The evening, I went to Ian's house and celebrated Christmas there.. We had so joy and everyone got their own Christmas Presents. I got a b-ball shorts and a checkered shorties..[AGAIN]. I already had a lot of them, actually.. TT
Haha
But I like this one, gray just like what I expected.. ^^




I wanna share this joy of Christmas to everyone, exceptionally..
Every poor too..
Enjoy even the littlest joy of Christmas, WORLD.. ^^

A Slash Open Of My Heart.. This Thing Really Bugs Me..

It's not that I want to repeat and bring back yesterday's problem.
It's just.. If I don't let it out, I might get stressed out of myself.
But last night's dream made my eyes open to things that my heart pretends to close to stop the debate yesterday.
Yesterday, event after my long talk S2 stil try to defend S2's self and said that S2 and him has no special relationships.
But still, everyone will see S2 as a boys-itchy person.
Then again, S2 told me that if I get just a talkie-talkie to X people in this world, even if it's just small talkie-talkie, it will leave the person to get pride, pride of getting close to me.
THEN WHY DID S2 give him and everybody ALL THE PRIDE?
Even when I think of them just as a fren, like he think of them as a common fren, it's strictly forbidden.
Well, that's an unclear thing to me and I don't really care now.
[I won't check on S2 again on facebook, I believe S2.]
Then again, In my heart I still wanna say it's silly to protect my friends.
You don't know them, don't need will to protect them.
Besides, if they get caught by X people, they won't really care.
Probably like me, in status just write "I HATE X PEOPLE" or just make them jokes.
We normal people won't really care, even if the truth is in X world is different.
Why different?
I think, when an X talks and flirts with normal people, and normal people get disgusted and throw them away, X people will just leave and seek for a new one.
And we don't really care if many X people think we're like them.
We're in normal side and WE DON'T REALLY CARE ABOUT WHAT'S GOING ON IN THEIR SIDE.
WE JUST KNOW THAT THEY'RE FILTHY AND STUPID PERSONS, SMART JUST IN LOOKING FOR PREY.
Maybe among my friends, I'm the only one in the gate of normal world and X world..
And they can always see me.
But my friends, they're like me just because I know this world.
OR, they're normal people, and I clearly know it.
So if X people get near them, they won't get caught and will clearly leave.
Like an example, in school my X-like friend get near O, and O told me it's a little creepy.
And they WILL do the same if an X person caught them, I'm SURE.
The thing is, since the beginning, I'm already half an X, the one ready to born if an X touches.
[And you're the one who got to touch me, and I was really grateful you're the one..]
In normal world, we won't care and just think is as a simple threat..
We won't get stressed or anything so this is a silly protection..
Even S2 won't let me accept a girl as "sbg" too..
S2 said S2's isn't jealous or anything..
But even for a girl, who X won't prey on.......
It's...........nevermind.
I don't wanna debate again.
I just wanna let it out to you, my blog.
I won't wanna hurt S2..
And I love S2 so much......
And I.......actually really want S2 to know this..That S2's minds and thought, X people's mind and thought, different from Normal people.
And when I want S2 to be with me and leave the X world..
I meant I wanna take S2 aside from their style of mind and thought.
But I can't seem to let this one out in front of S2.
I know all this paragraph I wrote will be useless and stupid..
S2 will still see this from that side..without seeing from my friends side, from the normal side.
And S2 always told me.. "Please try to see from my side of problem.."
If S2 wants me to learn that ability..
I think I know why I can't do it right.
Cuz S2 won't give me the example in this thing..
I don't want S2 to read this..
And if S2 reads this, I don't really want another hard debate..
I just want S2 to know that my friends doesn't need protections..
They're fully normal, not a half like me. I know them.
And they won't get hurt by X people cuz they will ignore them.
Protecting.....it's kinda silly.
Sorry..
I'm not stressed or anything, it's just bugs me a lot if I don't let this out to anyone or anything.
Even I can't and don't wanna read this post from the beginning..I'm scared.
Please don't get mad or anything. I love u..

Finally, I Let It Out.

" Full of regrets, full of shy, full of stupidity, full of guilt, full of anger, full of everything.. "

Wen I let out everything in my head, everything that makes me so mad at S2, my hands and body were shaking. I was really angry. All the things that S2 forbid me, S2 do it. And I was really mad wen S2 makes every different opinions and offense to my feeling. It really made me feel so in a cage.

Now it's over, and I promised to myself I won't ever bring anything like this up again.. I hope S2 understands. S2 do the thing I don't like to protect me from people's bad talks. So do I. [If S2 understand..] It just seems so hard to make S2 know S2's mistake.. All S2 do seems to have its own reason. Which S2 never talks about wif me. And that only makes things worse to think that S2's always right and it's ok if S2 do anything S2 don't like me to do..
ARRGHH...!!!!
Don't wanna think anymore........................
I HaTe EveRythINg rYt nOw

Wait for you..

" When u're back, I'll be a big boy already. "



Last nite I gone to my S2's house, and I know that it's the last day before S2 went home for about 2 months. So I won't waste any minutes.. I watched S2's eyes for a really long time. It's so beautiful, for me.. ^^ Then I bothered S2 too much.. I want this, I want that. I want a kiss, I want a hug. It seems like I asked too much of S2. But it's all because I don't want this last day to go waste.. I wanna do everything I want before S2 go.

Then I went to sutos wif Virgin n' my big bro. We ate at fish&co there. It's so fun that we ate so much. We watched the movie Sorority Row. It's a thriller movie n' comes with ton of "surprises" that Virgin n' my big bro closed eyes. Haha.. I remember watching movies wif S2, always holding hand. And I really wanted to feel S2's hand that time, but I know I can't. Then, after the movie ended, we all went home. Virgin went home wif her mom n lil bro, big bro went home himself, I went home..wif S2.

In taxi, I suddenly had a lot of flashback of my story wif S2. It really pushes my tear out of my eyes. And I can't help but to look at the window. I can't let S2 see me wif tears. I'm a big boy, I'm a big boy. I hold S2's hand so tight wif eyes full of tears. Our meeting, our fights, how S2 told me not to go away, our first kiss, our first hand-holding, our promises.. everything. Tears flow on my cheek. S2 asked me to look, but I just keep looking at the window. Just wanna feel S2's hand, I don't wanna see S2's face, I know I won't let S2 go.. So after we arrived at my house, I just say thanks to S2 n' enter my house.. I'll miss S2.

Hey.. When u're back, I'll be a big boy. No more tears, no more negative thinking, no more angry to you. Just have fun there with your family, and I'll be waiting here. I'll learn so much things.. And when u're back, I wanna be a different me. No more crybaby rei, ok ? ^^

It feels..complicated.

" I just hate the feeling of fighting myself. In this war, the voices around me really clash. They say something like, "It's just your feeling", or "It's really a bullshit, you have proofs.." "



Today I went karaOK ing with fwenz, it was fun. It's been a long time since I sang seriously and deeply in front of my fwenz, and it feels real good now. I sing a lotta groove songs, and when I sing the song Keep Bleeding it's really deep and I remember that sum1. It's similiar to my story.
But there's still a deep fact from the song Now You Tell Me. It really makes me crumble.

For now, I'm just ok, just....fine. Just need more sleep and really need to watch over my health..

If You Love A Person For Real..

If you love a person for real, or wanting to love person for real and make your relationship long lasting, you can do this.

1. Behave the way they like
You should always be yourself though.

2. Don't do things only from your perspective
Even though from most people perspective they're the wrong side, just reconsider. But if it's really obvious that they're a weirdo, just try to speak with them.

3. When with them, get opened
Be an open person an tell them your problems to share, except the top secret ones. Save the top secret ones if you're already married.

4. Read their mind
When with them, if you feel their hands playing or moving more, that means they want your hands to hold. If you feel they're looking at you cutely, they're longing for a kiss on the cheek or forehead. When they look you deep in the eyes and face, and you feel like they're gazing for something, they just want a sweet kiss on the lips.

5. Spy on what they do
Just spy, though they didn't notice. Everything's easy. You can ask your or their friends, or facebook, or their blog. From facebook, now you can read wall-to-wall with people who hasn't been your friend. [depends on his/her privacy setting]. And if you found out they were actually cheating or doing something that hurts you..

6. Shut up for awhile
Don't get all mad and take the negative sides. Just think maybe they has a high sympathy with every people. Although you know they aren't like this usually, just try to lie to yourself a bit. Just forget the awfully hurt feeling and don't show any disappointment. They really stabs u behind, but love have the power to heal.. And along with time, it should be spoiled.

7. Don't take any liking to act
If you LIKE(not love) someone other than them, and you feel comfortable with them too, don't take it easy and act freely. Don't hold hands or anything like it. Maybe u think it's not cheating, you're just playing. But it's actually cheating. Just try to avoid that to happen even if you're really attracted and can't seem to endure the aroused feeling.

8. Just be a good boy and shut up
Connected with number 4, just shut up when they do anything they don't want us to do. For example when they really doesn't want you to avoid cheating with other person(numb 5), and on the other side you found they're talking so romanticly and acting so sweetly on facebook to the other guy/girl, just forgive. Let yourself be hurt. The power of love can really make us forgive. Unless it's starting to get worse and they admits the liking, leave. Let them be happy with their own playdoll.

9. Be loyal
If they just won't ever realize their mistake, be patient and you know you'll be hurt along your relationship, but if you feel like you don't love them fully, just admit it. Admit it and you're free. What is it worth if you don't love them to death but they're hurting you to death?

Well, that's just me and what I get from my story. Hope this helps you guys.. ^^

This is getting worse..

" This story turns to a real fairytale. Our love story. A beautiful one it is, yet a really sad one.. "

It's spoiled.. And I still put all the blame on u. I just wanna tell u that I feel sorry and regret, from the deepest of my heart. It's just me and my provoker attitude. And I'll change it.

Now u have to struggle to get your name back. I know I won't be of much help, but I will still help you. I'll stand by your side. Not by sympathy, not by conditions. It's just because I love u.. And when I heard this, I can't hold my tears even if I tried to.. I just..feel really stupid of all that I did. But now, I won't be handful. I'll support u, I'll chase your conditions, that I will do. Just relax.. I won't leave you before you leave me. That's me and my promise. I'll run for you.. And I won't stop even if u keep running. I'll make our condition stay as nice and sweet as normal. That's all I can do to support u.. ^^

I trust u, hun. I trust u'll take us pass this..

Wanna do a deadly krump..

I don't know anymore which is right, or which is wrong. I just wanna krump and krump, but I don't have any energy. Maybe I just have to forget. Maybe I just have to become distant. I wanna break free, break free from my own stupid life. I wanna go to place where no one is there. And then, only wait for a small pure light to come. A transparent light with no plastics, a transparent light that I can see deep in. And then I'll be pure. Pure to that transparent light.

Screwed up.

Just screwed up. Hope tomolo will go back to normal. If can, not to normal, but to the old times, to the past wen it's still fresh and cute. Just shut up..

Faking, off.

"I should be grateful of everything. For having good friends, for eating good meals, for having good future plans, for having nice days, for being a silent but crazy person, and for having U.."

Ungghh.. Holiday is near and I won't go anywhere. At least I walk around Surabaya, but wif no fwenz. They all go holiday :( But nevermind la, since I entered high school, I don't hangout wif fwenz often like in middle school, so I'm getting used to it.. =o

Tomolo will have my small stand at skul. Me, Edward, n' Onel [CH3^^] will run a small cafe wif drinks. We'll sell Red Fantasy [Red syrup, beer], Orange Fantasy [Orange juice, beer], Icy Choco Crunch [Chococino, beer, cereals], n' Iced Lemon Tea. It's just them, but whatever. Actually we have other kind of drinks that Onel n' Edward bought yesterday to mix, but we haven't mix them. So we sell them regulary, no mixing.
Huff.. Just hope that it'll be a wonderful day..
Silent me, rush on. I dun wanna be a really crazy guy like usual.. Just wanna be a calm guy for a while.. I'm tired of acting so childishly to cheer friends :/

Love You Promised..?

If I can only see
That your love for me is not forever
Then I will always be free
From these chains of love you bind me to
Oh baby baby please
Won't you save your kisses for another
'Cause I won't be a fool
For the love you promise
But won't deliver

I'm just a simple boy
Who is hooked to your sweet charm
But the love you promised
Will never be here in my arms

Oh baby baby please
Won't you leave me all alone now honey
Here's my one last kiss
If you can't make up your mind now it's good bye

Then again,
I'm just a simple boy
Who is hooked to your sweet charm
But the love you promised
Will never be here in my arms

Sweet.

Today we met again, after a whole month. It's really quite silly. So many changes occured. Especially my hair, it's so silly now, and I'm so shy :(
I like how we spend this day. I just simply like it.
It's a sweet kiss you gave me, like last nite when I asked a sweet kiss for my Christmas present. U made it a reality.. :)
I love u, no matter how our distance looks.
I love u, no matter what u do to me.
I love u, no matter u don't love me anymore.
I just simply love u.

The Soul To Dance..

I don't really understand, why do I find it stressful and boring to dance. How can I get bored so fast? I don't wanna lose the soul to dance.. Or have I lost it? I'm really tired now.. I dunno should I dance or not. D-phobia told me that I have to decide now. Should I become a dancer or not. If not, just quit dancing.

Quit..dancing..? No way. This is one of my talent, and I think I can't live in peace without it. Everybody knows I dance. But.. If I think like this, it means: I dance because of popularity guarantee. NO! That is a wrong purpose of dancing. I don't wanna dance like this.. Dance is just like everyday routine.

Back then, when I still a kid in streetdance, I dance with feeling. I dance according to the beat, and without a skill. That's what makes me enjoy the feeling of dancing. The feeling of expressing the music's soul with moves. I wanna dance, just to express. Express my feeling, express the music.. And with that, I get the soul of dancing.

But now, I dance for many reasons. Actually I think I'm skilled enough, even though I still want to learn streetdance again. That's what adds arrogance in my dance.. I dance mostly to impress people, not to express anymore. And that gives all the bore.. STOOOOPP!!!!




Decide..
I REALLY WANNA DANCE.
I WANNA DANCE AND DANCE WITH SOUL.
I WANNA EXPRESS ALL MY EMOTION THROUGH IT.
I WANNA MAD AND BE MAD AT MY DANCE[Krump], I WANNA BE COOL AND ACT COOL AT MY DANCE[Pop], I WANNA FEEL SO FLY AND DANCE JOYFULLY[Lock], I WANNA LET OUT AND DECODE THE SMOOTH MUSIC'S SOUL TO MY DANCE[Groove].
I LIVE WITH THIS FORTUNE AND TALENT GIVEN.
THERE'S NO WASTING THE RESPONSIBILITY.
THERE'S NO WASTING THE SOUL.
HUGE BUCKS, BONELESS BODY, DANCE MACHINE. I'LL REACH THAT STATE.
AND I'LL GIVE IT BACK TO HIM WHO OVERALL GIVES ME EVERYTHING.

I DANCE TO EXPRESS..I'LL GET THE SOUL.

New Moon, the More Brilliant Version of My Story.

New Moon n' my story isn't that much different.
Sum1's here to protect me from the underground organization. And that sum1's promised to keep me safe. I always seek for the care and I love that sum1 too. That sum1's really protective, and it seems like there's no safe area other than on that sum1's shoulder.. ^^

The difference is, that sum1 WON'T EVER LEAVE ME. It's always me and me..but I won't do that again, promise.. ^^

If u watch New Moon, I'm Bella.. And my sum1's the Edward.. Haha
Crazy, huh ?? But it's real ^^ Really got the feeling when watching the movie. I'm really the Bella, and that sum1's really Edward. A strong and romantic feeling.. ^^

Just smile.

Smile and relax. I love you and that's all I need to know. :)

A nice day..^^

Today I did the tests very well. Actually, the past tests were very well too. Maybe b'cuz I studied seriously. Haha.. My laziness gone le..^^ And now become closer wif fwenz.. And back to my sms-freaker life. Haha^^

Today went TP wif mom n dad. Otw to Izzi, i met my dad's fren from malay wif his daughter. Then we eat together like a family. Her daughter is a XI grade student of Gloria High School. Wow, I admire that school too *-* We ate together and she said that she just had a hunch about wanting to eat in Izzi when she's passing by, and suddenly mom n dad invite them to eat together b'cuz they think they'll waste much Pizza. Perfect match. ^^

Sydney dreamed about me n' Onel playing PS, the PS broke n then Onel smash it, and I krumped it wif "lentik" style. Hahah ^^ And daddy's gonna help my fren's problem. I hope he can do it so get happy again..^^

I realized and feel that I really love u these days. Really love u. I miss your shoulder to sleep on.. ^^ I really miss u .

Sorry 4 everything .

Gomenasai. I must have been a great burden for you. My bad attitudes.. Being a bad boy to you, hurt you, everything la. I think I'm still a kid and I haven't understand how to show love. I'm still a stupid boy in a matter of feeling.. But u know what? U teach me alot of things.. Real lot.. ^^ How to have a feeling, how to bind myself to a promise, how to keep the feeling of your love, how to be a leader, how to be loyal, how to be a good boy, and mostly, u gave me A HEART. Now I'm not empty anymore.. Since I know u, my life is different. Really changed. Meeting u was a real coincidence.. And I'm grateful for that^^ For a really silly moment when u add me.. When u walled me for the first time.. And I feel like, "Hey, what's with this person?? --. " Haha.. That just feels so silly right now.. Now I have u, and you have me. I'm all yours, hun. All yours. I'll be loyal and I'll do anything to make u smile.. Cuz u entrusted me with your heart, so I'll keep it. Happy 4 months.. ^^

Since When I Can Feel So..Sad ..?

"Gray lullaby, painful melodies.. Brimming in soul endlessly, radiating a weak smile.. Although hurts inside.."


Nanana, nananana, nanana.
Nanana, nananana, nanana.
Nanana, nananana, nanana, na.
Na, na, nanananana..

Differ and distant ?

"I feel like it's different. Maybe it's fading. It's growing distant. I don't wanna lose it, this is all because of me.."




I feel so distant and fading. Is the love..酥软? Now I'm the one getting closer, and it's getting further? No.. I don't really want that to happen. But even if it does, it's all the consequences i should take. That's all because of me. How to show sorry? Just don't ever show negatives.. Even if it's still feels peculiar and hurting when I think of it.. It's just a 情, a stupid 情.. It's painful to think of it.. I don't ever want to lose this love. 对不起..样样..

Music ..

"Music records memories, they do. And sometimes, the feeling recorded in the melody comes back.. A soul in the music cries and call for that feeling.."



You used to call me your angel. .
Said I was sent straight down from Heaven
You'd hold me close in your arms
I loved the way you felt so strong. .
I never wanted you to leave. .
I wanted you to stay here holding me. .

I miss you. .
I miss your smile. .
And I still shed a tear every once in awhile. .
And even though it's different now. .
You're still here somehow. .
My heart won't let you go. .
And I need you to know. .
I miss you. .
I miss you. .

You used to call me your dreamer. .
And now I'm living out of my dream. .
Oh how I wish you could see. .
Everything that's happening for me. .
I'm thinking back on the past. .
It's true that time is flying by too fast. .

I miss you. .
I miss your smile. .
And I still shed a tear, every once in awhile. .
And even though it's different now. .
You're still here somehow. .
My heart won't let you go. .
And I need you to know. .
I miss you
I miss you. .

I know you're in a better place, yeah. .
But I wish that I could see your face. .
I know you're where you need to be. .
Even though it's not here with me. .

I miss you. .
I miss your smile. .
And I still shed a tear, every once in awhile. .
And even though it's different now. .
You're still here somehow. .
My heart won't let you go. .
And I need you to know. .
I miss you
I miss you. .

I miss you. .
I miss your smile. .
And I still shed a tear, every once in awhile. .
And even though it's different now. .
You're still here somehow. .
My heart won't let you go. .
And I need you to know. .
I miss you
I miss you. .


Rest peacefully, soul. That person's not in my life anymore. I won't love that person anymore, and I already have my own angel. Back then as an angel.. Now protected by an angel.. So, u don't need to cry anymore, Missing Soul..

同一個遺憾 ~*

"Tell me she knows.. Cause don't think so.. 愛上了同一個遺憾.."

Like this feeling.. Sad and happy, worky, competey, busy.. Mixed feelings.. ^^ Mixed things are good.. Just like Sushi or Mixed Grill on a plate.. Ahaha.. ^^

Really wanna sit on a mountain and watch the sky together.. And shout this to the stars..

我 很 愛 你, 大 哥哥 !*

ばげろ !!

"Stupid lips, puny lips.. Stupid you, puny you.. Can't get to understand, seems to be so foolish. IF YOU WANT SOMEONE TO DO THINGS YOU LIKE FOR YOU, DO IT FOR THEM FIRST.."

I just wanna be really alone. Maybe if I can going to a new and empty world, I will just take a few friends. Maybe person like Edward, Virgin, Onel, Hadi, and more importantly, Sydney. She's my closest fwen and she's really an easygoing person. I wanna start a new life, just wif dem. Only dem. They're different for me.

I wanna get amnesia and forget about all the past things. Really wanna start my life from the beginning. Knowledge can be a painful truth sometimes. So, I wanna erase my memories, and gain new ones.. I hate being with persons I don't really like. I wanna be like a baby again. Getting to know people.. Learning them.. I wanna be a completely different me.

まいど わたし 見る あなたの よこがお o FB, わたし しめた 貰う oった. 彼らの 名称 副 sつぴdBCorP! わたし wa嫉妬して !!! わたし 知る わたし 言う わたし WON'T, BUT I'M A HUMAN LIKE U TOO. I WON'T TELL THOUGH.

ともだち, ともだち .

"Life's getting more complicated, huh? I feel that 5 months ago is a lot better than now. Shiny little hopes of a cool high school life.."

Yesterday I went to Gramedia Expo, there's a food bazaar there. But wen I reach there, they din allow me to go in 'cuz I wear short pants. What a silly rule, but whatever. So I went to the bookstore and I browsed for stationeries. Then I saw some bags, so I bought one for Sydney's birthday present. She used to wear a black and boyish school bag, so I bought the cream-colored n' girly style one for a change :)


Then I went to eat at Ayam Malioboro.. It's all new from me. This was the first time I eat ayam bumbu telur asin. Ahaha.. I took a few pics of me and the new T-shirt that my fwenz bought for me. Thanks a lot, guyz. I like it :o


I told mom and dad about how Nello and me has such weird coincidences. 'bout we were on the same Kindergarten and being apart on low school, met again on high school without knowing each other at first time. And about how we were on the same Christian side-school together, and we joined the same piano competition when we're on low school, how we met in Singapore, Sentosa Island on cable car. It was all so funny.. Just like soulmate (that's what my friends always say). Haha..

The night I juiced some pete to blast on Sydney.. She likes pete so much these days, so I choose pete for the thing. And today the plan din work really well, but at least it gives her a nice memories..and a nice pete perfume. Ahaha :D

I Just..Wanna Escape.

From everything. I think everything's pointless.

It's Still A Victory..

Yesterday the dance comp went really well, should be said. I was sick, but God gave me the power to dance. And our team, Electric Madness always pray and hope to Him so we can do the best.. We prayed to Him, "We don't really want to pass to final, we just wanna give our best." And tat really happened. I was so grateful..even though I can just give half of my power wen I have to krump. I really felt nervous back there loh. Hehee.. Never mind.. Do the best in the future.. ^^ At least, my favorite krumper, Miss-B n Pig Minute was watching. I hope they can watch me grow. Hehe

Now I feel awfully tired even though it don't shows. Will rest for awhile.. From streetdance and heavy activities. Now let's just walk on a normal high school life, K ?

Hmm.. Today had a lot of flashbacks wif my big bro.. It's so funny if we think of it. We just met about 2,5 months ago, n' it feels like years.. We had so many memories n experiences.. And they're all so nice ^^ Thanks, big bro.

Dance Competition ..

Tomolo will be my 1st dance competition. It's pretty sudden, but I must be ready at all cost for this. Our school team has 3 non-streetdancer member, and we have Lia, the student of H3SL Minute. She made the choreography and chose the music. Our moves are pretty basic.. So I der's a lil' chance we'll pass to the final round. But even if we pass ,, We won't be able to perform. We have no 2nd choreography.

My dance feeling is blurring and fading.. I can't really feel the beat to my soul and dance wif enjoy.. I must perform a freestyle move tomolo.. If I can't feel the beat then how can I ?? Haizz.. Just can hope to God, Jesus.. Please.. I wanna give my best.. TT

Hot n' Cold .

Today I'm satisfied enaff.. I can go to Sinlui's once every 2 year bazaar n PenSi ! Today's the last day, so dun wanna miss it. Hehe..

I went there wif Onel .. And we walked wif Cia, Syndy, and my old fwen, Angelia Octavianni. The one I had my crush on wen in elementary skul. Ahaha .. We played the sponge throw, n' I throw a lot of sponge to a xiao jie's head accurately. She seems so pathetic tat I really wanna stop hitting, but it's so fun tat I continue mashing her head wif sponges! xD

Till Citra arrived at the spot, the locket for the entry ticket was already closed. Arrgh.. So we went to TP and watched Surrogates. It's a decent movie. Hehe .. Wen in TP, alongside the way ,, We think of a way to survive the drink-a-lot competition. It's a competition wer u're challenged to drink 6 pot of lemon tea. I'll do it ! Ahaha..

We went back to sinlui. We waited for awhile for the locket to open, so we took photos n den went in. It's so empty n the stalls were closed for awhile. So we walked and finally sat on a bench. We watched the dance competitions. Deire not really good at it, but a guy from SCP really rocked the crowd. Perfect isolations.. Perfect feet play.. He's the best .)

N den we ate a really dry crispy tofu. It made our throat go dry. It's a good way to make the drink competition much easier, we thought. Then we went n took the challenge. Arrghh .. It's a lot stuffed than I thought ! 1 glass.. nearly throw up.. 1,5 glass.. And I banged the pot to the table. Couldn't take it anymore ! Ahaha .. Citra wiped out 2 pots. Wow *_* Girls are pure drinkers.

And then after walk again I met Arif. I'm about to trip him when he walk. N then he saw me. Then he just realized that it's me after a minute. Haha.. He said I changed. What change ? Hehe .. And I met Nicholas.. N I met Gaby.. Giovanni.. N Aynie too. The girl I'm about to had my crush on wen I was till on 8th grade. Haha.. We just met now. Silly, isn't it ?

N den me n Citra dared to go to the Palm-reading girl. It's like a fortune telling, really. I noe I shouldn't take sumthin like tis as a Christian, but I was really curious n I said to myself I won't trust it. N then she said alot..
# In tis world, from the past on, I can only trust 4 person.
# My lifetime will be about 70< [ fab. ]
# I will succeed in future, but nearly in the old times, a problem will occur. [no !]
# Economy ? [$$$] stable.
# My love life has more luck than my career life.
# In a job, if I really like it, I will be addicted to it.
# She asked me, "Do u like music or art or sumthin?" I said: "Dance?" n she told me that I have the talent for it. [ Yatta~~!! ]
# In things, I always try to be leader, but people's thought n argument will dominate me.
# I long to freedom.
# I want everything to be easy and neat.
# I'm a caring person, but tat depends on my mood.
# I have a vast connection of fwenz, but I'm a really choosy in fwenz.
# Soulmate, I'm so choosy tat I'll end up marrying at 27.
# I'm not tat so jealousy.
# I'm a sensitive person tat I'll think deep of people's bad thoughts about me.
# I'm actually a bit arrogant. [ not a bit yoh ! a lot xp ]
######
She asked me..
Her : How many times have u had a couple ?
Me : Twice, why ?
*reading my palms*
Her : One of the couple is because of real love, n one is just a common liking
[ RIGHT !! x) ]
Her : There'll be a third one ..
And wen wif this third one, U'll get confused which should u choose..
The third, or that second one ?
[ SHOCKED. ]
But I don't really know the answer.. It's all in your hands.. ^^

What.. ?
Wen I rejected her previous statements, she always said sumthin like "Hah. Just watch. Wat I say is accurate] but tis time she said she don't know.. Hmm
I'll choose that third one for sure. Hehe ..
It'll be best for everything =D

Well tats all I had in my brain .
Hhee
Hmm ..
I feel like I'm getting more freedom. I want to get to the dance comp on 14, fast. I will perform my best. Wif her support.. =) I just hope tat she could come to PTC to watch me dance.. ^^

Bang !

Now everyday go online b'cuz of tat new game. So sweaty lar~ Gettin' busier n busier .. Dance practice everyday after school till drop. I often nearly collapse during the dance. I practiced too hard but it's really fun .. ^^

Dance competition ..14 October 2009.
It cancels my practice wif Miss-B again. Arrgh.. It won't be a nice one for my school's team too I think. We made a really basic choreograph and we don't even make the choreograph if we pass to final. Arggh.. I feel so stupid n I'll be embarrassed in front of LM .. They're the sponsor of this UC Cup event. They'll see me dance..so basically. Huwaaa.. But never mind, just do it for fun. Dance to express..and to impress ! :)

Back To Normal High School Life !!

Tomolo will go to school.. Will have fun .D But hate the assignments..arrgh. Well at least freed from problems.. .D

Will study much for future.. Really wanna take part time jobs in a cafe or sumthin. Huhu

Like This Quote So ..

"Control your feeling, don't let it take control of you."
Really.. Will do .
Feelings are unpredictable and way out of our knowledge.. Do what is certain .

Guesser like me ..

I blacklisted u on my phone, so that I can't read any of your messages. But today, something weird happened. Your sms broke through the barrier and reached me! I read it.. 2 of them.. And I made some crazy conclusions.. [wrote them on facebook notes] just guessing.. Psychology-minded me, always guessing and making conclusions by my sighting and feeling. But this time, I won't be fooled that easily. I made a fatal and clearly wrong conclusion with u, and I won't repeat it again. Ur mind.. I can't seem to read it. Why..??

Breaking Promise ?

U break promise ? I won't. I'm not a weakling. Fall into the hands of feeling .. Life's more than just a feeling. Strong people is the one who can control himself..and his feeling. It's hard, but I'll struggle for it.

Ionated My Hair ..

Again, I make my hair so smooth.. Cuz i din really like my rough hair ./ It looks good.. Haha ..

Works .. Works ..

Have to work as a home servant along this holiday .. Phew .. I'd rather be going to school. It's boring like this .. T-T Besides,, at school, friends will help me forget. .D

Flying Away .

I'll leave u for awhile. Don't worry, promise is still a promise 4 me. Take care de zai jian.

Not Telling ?

Don't worry. Know it myself. Fooled myself back then. But now realize. Faking. Now revenge. Fake smiles, show on. Will do, slowly. Grow distant. Distant and amnesia. Better. Wanna scream. "621311 2518 !!!!!" Damn. Won't change. Me. No melancholy. Poems. Again. Argh. Try guessing? Conclusions? Dead ends.

Feeling Distant ..

Hoping it will turn this thing around. I know what I must do. Just fly away..^^ Linger for awhile.. Live for a strangers smile.. And hope it is enough.. I must let it pass..

Two steps back is just what it need Not knowing that it's <3.. That makes us free So I'll be brave and retreat.

Cause I will let it go. Fly away.. I know it's not fair, missing precious hours, precious days.. But I hold on enough, and it seems like it'll be ok if i let it pass. Even if knives hurts feeling. Relax, I'll be ok. Just have to wait alone for another to lean on. Just go. Attention? Then do it. Conversations kills me..

Haha .. Hahahahaa .. Not really me!! THIS IS NOT REINHARD. Melancholy ?? ARGGH

Phew ..

Problems solved. Now I can relax.. But still liking the emo feel though. Haha.. Addicted to emo ?? Hmm.. Dunno.. Just feeling calm.. :)

Waiting ..

Now we're apart. No smiles on me. Waiting for smiles to come .. someday.. ^^

Not What I Really Want ..

This is not what I really want. I want us as a real siblings.. Where I can accompany u anytime u need me.. But this past three days.. Ure so disgusting that I don't really wanna meet u. Saying I'm number one and the only one.. Promised that I'll be the last.. But flirt with others. Just like a hermaphrodite bitch. Not different from your ex-couple. I thought ure different from the other. Ure not different.. Like those lame dogs..

Once again, I got fooled by the thing called love. I dunno how much time I fell like this.. Stupid me.. Always think that sum1's gonna be different. The truth is, EVERYONE'S THE SAME. LOVE IS A FAKE THING. But still loving u in my heart.. Though I don't show it.. Arggh..

Real? Dream?

It's blurred into reality. Everything I dreamed of. It's now in my hands. But the feeling of the dream, the feeling I struggled for. Vanished into thin air. It doesn't come out. All this reality. It feels so fake. Like I cheated in this game of life. Maybe it's sin? Yeah.. Sweetest sin. Hate, love.. It feels so empty. I want the dreams. I want the reality. It's just like hot and cold.. I want hot. When I get hot, I want cold. I just wanna forget everything.. Start my life from the beginning ..

Scribble From My Heart ..

X not being the real X. All this time acting that stupid. All this time acting that childish. Embarrassing. Grown up? Fooling X self. Not real. So stupid. Wanna change, but afraid. Afraid of losing smiles. Afraid of loosing social links. Arggh.. Dunno what to do. What's the real personality? What's the original X like? X just can't wait and hope that what people say is right. Soon enough when going mature, everyone will recognize their true self. Who, what, and where they are. Now just need to shut ..

Uwaaa.. Long Time No Online leh ..

3rd September 2009.
I collapsed at a hospital where my step-grandma rest, Its actually a funny experience leh wkaka .. I just feel so nauseous and then i walk aimlessly to the door. When I try to open the door, i fell to the wall beside the door and my head hit the wall. Everyone was so panic but i myself laugh haha .. I actually experienced sumthing like tis the 2nd time, but last time before this i din collapse. It was at a crematory. Always like this.. Hospital.. Crematory .. I just thought that the underworld is gonna eat me from below. Arggh.

5th September 2009
The church's dresscode today is harajuku ! Wow.. This is what really rocks. Haha.. I started to mix and match as soon as i heard the news. I wear a S&K t-shirt, caviar, black down-striped pant, an army belt and a studded white burberry belt, and my unicorn converse shoes. And to add the harajuku silly thing, i put on my shoelace, the starry one around my waist. haha .. But it's cool yoh.. xD I love this day.

6th September 2009
I found my senior in a disc store. He worn a real harajuku long pant with iron stripes around it. His hair stays like that, what he calls "[his nick] hairstyle". Whew.. I just want my hair to be long enough to be cut harajuku and to ion it again. Uwaaa... And about the wearings.. If i only had the tools to show my potential .. Ughh ..

New Week ..

I just wanna write something leh. Hehe .. Tomorrow -> new week .
Can't wait to see the contact lens's list on my friend tomorrow. Uwaaa~ And I really can't wait to get my hair long so i can cut and style it the way i want. Hehe.. I have pictures in mind already. Haha..

Everything is clearer now ..

Now i can leave u peacefully. Even for just a month. Hhe.. Be a good boy. ;p

First Kiss

17th August 2009, Indonesian Independence Day. The night, i had my first kiss. It's clearly outta mind before. I never thought of having a first kiss until that day.
It's wet. Nothing else. Maybe slightly comfortable n silly :p Will i regret this? Dunno.

Uwah....

Really is a new life. In school, become photographer, member of Cheerleader and PD Team. Out of school, a member of SEN Crew, working with Elreas Event Organizer. Huff.. I like this new treat.. :)

Today I just heard that S3N Crew won the School's August Dance Competition. We're on the third place, but it was a horrible dance. We can win even we were a messed up performer back there, so if we had more practice, we'd won the 2nd place la. This is an experience, next time will have more practice.. ^^ And I know now not to mock the other streetdancer. It'll strike me back, just like on the last competition. Huff..

Now have a brother who really cares about me. I just hope that I won't dissapoint him. But who knows what my heart will say in the future. I'm afraid of something..

I Love This Day !

Today I went to Last Minute dance workshop ..
And I really enjoyed the dance . Especially the krumping, new stylez session . I really felt the beat to my mind, and danced really fun . Hhe .. In the end, I'm one of the 4 person with the best krumping ! Hehe .. Thx alot God ,, and thanks to Last Minute . Hehe

I thought I was good at popping, but krumping is my style, i see . Everyone says my power is incredible in krumping . So why not walk on it ? Just need more and more practice to be a krump king .. :3

Just some lyrics ..

Mei li qi Zong shi lan yang yang di






Lai zhe ni Huai li wan pi xi xi
Shi gai zuo xie shi qing Xin li you tian mi de





Bu xiang yao bu xiang yao zheng kai yan jing







Wo he ni Pin lv ru ci jie jin
Mei ya li Zi zai zuo wo zi ji
Di yi ci gan shou Zhe yang ai de jue xin








Zhi xiang yao Zhi xiang yao He ni yi qi









I WANNA BE WITH YOU Ai ni hao xing fu








Xiang yao he ni jian zao yi ge ai de xiao wu








I WANNA BE WITH YOU Ai ni hao man zu










Xiang shou zui tian mei de shu







fu You ni de he hu wo bu zai gu du

Why . ?

Everytime they talk to other ppl they can laugh. They become childish. They become so playful. But wen with me, they change to completely different person. And man, it's like they're talking to a gangsta. I don't really like being treated like this. I'm not better than you guyz. And damn, I'm a normal and kind student! Why do u see from appearence? Some ppl understand, but why don't u understand? ARGGH.

It's true, that I have a flaw. But it ain't making me an abnormal guy. I'm just a normal human, and human has black and whites! Damn, please see me like u see any other guyz! SHIT .

I just wanna scram ..

Messed up feeling. Uggh.. Love, hate, lust. ARGGH .. I'm tired of loving. Enough of this sick jokes. I don't have to have feelings for someone. I should just love myself. Don't care bout other life messer. I really oughta scream.. "F**K OFF AND DIE!!!" But I really can't. It would be a sin. But my life itself is a sin .. For loving someone I shouldn't love. DAMN! ARGGHH

New Interest .

Starting to get interested in photograph . Yaay~ Do the best in all talents =o

New Chapter .

New chapter of high school life has begun! Haha. I like this new school and class. But I don't really like the rules. It's tighter than in my middle school. Especially 'bout the hair.. It sucks! Middle school permit us to have longer hair.. But here, we can only have a short hair. Medium is prohibited too. Sick.. So, I cut my long-already hair. The hair I get from the best harajuku stylist in Bandung. No.. It ends just because of school rule. Owh man.. Now I have this really xtreme hair, and I don't like it at all! xp

About the class, I find it comfortable here. I'm able to make new friends. Usually, I just keep silent and don't really care about making friends. But here, I really eager to make a lot of friends. Well, the more the merrier :] I even have new friends from other classes. Happy digging this school. x3
I like my seat in the new class.. But I don't really like the too loud noise from the back seats. Friends there are too noisy. I like noises, but this one don't really know when to shut n' listen to the teachers. Whew.. Anyway, I enjoy being in this class.

Teachers.. They're all the same. Nothing's special.
Whew..
So much homework from the teachers :p
But enjoy lar~
For the future. Hehe..

Back to school ..

Holiday's OVER !!Tomorrow will go 2 school again .. And for the Orientation Period too .. Happiness and fears . Happy cuz will got new environment + freedom .. Fear of not fitting in the crowd . Whew .. God help me .. I'm showing my real face now..a bit. Haha

Thanks to God I passed this holiday with smiles. Hope that next holiday will come soon. Even if Sen Crew become a mess.. I'm still relieved that we hung out. And about the one I love.. Sorry, I can't love u anymore. Even if my heart resists to..I just can't. Now let's walk our own life, capische ? Zai jian nyaa ~

CP Loss .. Blank Choreography ..

Friday, 26th June . I dropped my cellphone on the taxi . Din realize at all . Wen home, juzt realized sumthing missing . But don't really bother with it . This day's sen crew practice at the empty room near my house . We din do anything . Just wait for Jojo to remix the music . I took hard time making the choreography . Saturday and Sunday .. Maybe 2 days is enough :)

Saturday, 27th June . I din make any choreography this day . My mind's full of my family problem . It sucks .. And I can't stop worrying about it . I just sleep, and wen afternoon come, i really wanted to go to school's farewell party . But I havent dyed my hair black . Really regret it . But the evening at g.walk, i felt relieved that I told my problem to one of my friend . I used to feel rather shy . It's a really dull problem .

Sunday, 28th June . Still haven't found any good choreography ! Owh man . Just find a bit . Maybe this is really not my work . Why not just call choreographer ? Arggh .. Fees and fees .. Jesus, help me make a good choreo .. :(

Dunno la ..

I just wanna sleep .. If I can set the time, for a week .. Really wanna refresh my mind ..

Errors ..

Sorry, i juz realize tat the date in tis blog is a failure . The posts's dates are actually a day before the actual date i post it ! So for xample, if the post date here is Monday, 5th June , I actually posted it on Tuesday, 6th June ! Gomen yoh .. Althou not mah fault :P

Lust .. Love .. ?

The day b4 yesterday i've been forgetting my sum1 . I din feel any love again . Not rememberin everytime . But den, yesterday after we met again,, It feels so crazy . The feeling is boiling again . Huh .. That sum1 really is hot .. But i think its just rather lust, not love . Hmm .. Yah . No love searches just for kissing . I only wanted da kissing . But dat feeling is strong too . Hmm .. I just dont noe now who i really like . Hoo~

Life's gettin screwed n screwed ..

Yesterday i got into a problem wif my parents .. I actually acted normal and took it easy, but all of a sudden my dad got pissed and blasted lyk crazee . The last thing he said is dat he won't allow me to practice dance anymore . After he said dat I got really pissed too n' ol the day i locked myself in mah room . Shit .. What a freakin day .

Im completely lost dat day .. I think dat it's the end of my dreams.. They ruined my life ! Im just a boy wif no talents..except this dance . Without it im surely a nerd at school . A boy who cant do anything . And now dey forbid me to dance . Jesus, I really need Your help ! They olweys mad n yell at me for tis and tat .. They said they know me . But the truth is, dey don't know anythin about me .. My flaw .. My real suffering .. But its not deir fault, i'm the one who shoulda been more open to them ..
I really hate my dad yesterday ..

ByE Bandung ~

2moro will dpart at 10 to ma hometown,, so 2nite will sleep erli. Say goodbye to bandung, all of the tasty food[i love them but im afraid ill go fatter and fatter], all the warm people, the unique fashion town ..

Here I learned so much thing hmm .. Memories, loves [waddya mean --"], all the cool hangout places [especially Paris van Java/PvJ]. Whoa a wish a can go holiday here wif my frenz . Hmm .. Wonder wen . haha

Packed all da things .. Hmm wads left ? Gudbye 2 tis sweet blush pink sony laptop ~ Ahaha.. Tis is ma sister's . 2moro get home meet ma old toshiba laptop . Hmm..I'm kinda bored wif dat thing =/ Will change later lah if I finished sum dance performance . Hehe .. Meet Vodka too, meet my sister ribka, meet my mum, my servant, da new replacement servant, blah3

But I think tis is useless .. Wha must a write tis ? Im goin back here on about 20 July, dats wha mum said . Haeehh .. Better sleep lei~

Shorties ..

Got my hair cut . It's a little too messy n' dry . When I got home I wash it . And I see a really short hair . Wah,, must wait till it grow long so it get cooler '-' . "The best harajuku hairstylist in Bandung" ? Bah .. I think shinjuku will do better =/

Smile ~

tomorrow me got haircut . wan an extreme but not too weirdy harajuku haircut . will cut at the most popular harajuku stylist in bandung . hope will be good =)

Screwed up life .

I feel real empty now .. I mean, nothing to clap about my life . It's like a desert . No love, no real fun .. I feel like a dead body .

Since I was born, I dint have normal talents like other boys generally do . I dont do well at sports [except for swim and athletic run] . Therefore, i dont really interested in watching football, knowing basketball scores, and something like dat . It's like too corny for me to watch . When my friends talk about dem i could just shut up cuz i aint gonna blow my stupidity . I can just talk about my one and only talent . Dance, dance, and dance ..

When I got this dance talent at about a year ago, I really have fun with it . I thought, this is the thing that can make my life alot more fun . Cuz I feel special with it . In my school, just a few can do streetdance . But when I see the world out there, I'm not that special . A ton of "normal" people do better than me . Then I went down again . I'm nothing special .

Then, I always try to make my appearance as cool as I can . I change my appearance often . I style my style differently and uniquely . That way could cover my flaw, I thought . So I used most of my money for style . Hair, clothing, eye lens, accesories, and all of em . I thought it's enough . But it's never enough . A week after I change my appearance and look at myself, I always feel it's corny . Then, my friends seems like they see me normally . It sucks . Beside, there's alotta cooler ones out there . Hmmh .. My face isnt born for this . Without my sofltlenses, i think I'm just an ordinary normal boy with nothing to show off for . From this I learn ..

Somethings in this world is unchangeable . Whether u try to do tis do tat, even if it really made differences, it'll reveal the old sides .. Always . Old sides remain .. The covers are temporary . But the change is constant . So ..
The only thing that remains constant in this world is change ..

➝ 1st post..hmm.

I wrote this regarding yesterday, 1st June .

Last night I slept at about 3 . So I ended up waking up at 11 . Whew.. Then I went to pick up my older cousin at her campus, just me and my aunt . It felt a little cold along the way, but she filled
the talk offering any food stall we passed by . She's like forcing me to eat tis n tat . Wow .. No way if I turn fat like some years ago .. In fact though, I've already turned fatter >:( Along the my breakfast [breakfast at 11 o' clock] i got busy checking out my clothes in front of the mirror . It felt tighter since I grow fatter . Haha

Then we went to ciwalk . Aunt dropped me and her here . Hey,, I've been here before . First sight, the Gothica Shop . It sells goth and emo stuffs . My favorite, huh ? Let's buy the Terminator Salvation tickets 1st . Hmm.. Then I bought some kawaii stuffs at Purezento Stall . Oh yah, the movie ..
It's mentioning salvation, judgment, the end of the world tis and tat . Man, it sucks .. Not really a good movie :/

The night, we went to The Valley, the coolest restaurant in Bandung . It's located on mountain a little far though . I've been waiting for this moment .. Eating the dream-like Zuppa Soup ! Yumm~ We took photos as we eat . The people sitting a couple benches next to us laughed really hard almost every second . It's crazy, but i envy them . They're a lot older than me, but they can enjoy their life to the fullest . Not like me, programmed for emo life tis and tat /.o

I was almost throw up on the way home . Then I got a thought of my dance for awhile . I haven't dance for a month or so . Missed it so much :( Then my pop called and told me to go home on Friday . What ? Hey I promised to attend the City Warrior dance lesson on Wednesday ! Nah way .. I missed it about three weeks in a row and always said the same thing to the tutor [I'll come next week ! ^-'] and now absent again ? Talk about junk ..

And now I'm having a conference call with 3 of my friends . I dint plan it like usual . Jojo called me first . Then Michelle, then Patty . I'm a little bored..hmm. Jojo kept forcing me to take Patty back as my girlfriend . Nah way . No feelings . I should concentrate on the other girls in line .. =)

Whew .. 4 o' clock and I'm still awake . It's my wake up schedule for school days -__-" Tomorrow I'll wake up really late .